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little rant
Posted by sparkles-
2nd May 2017

Hi. before reading this I just want you to know that i'm ranting. Its not who I am all of the time. Yes i feel like this on and off day but normally I'm a pretty positive person.

I've been battling with anxiety and Depression for about 3 years now. On the 2nd of December 2015 I tried to overdose only to be discovered by my dad and taken to hospital in a ambulance. They found out too late to make me be sick and get rid of the tablets so all there was to do was to do tests and put in a drip. I sicked up blood multiple times but after blood tests I was deemed to be okay with only slight liver damage and was warned to not drink to heavily. I was given no support, from my college, from the hospital, from any counselling service so I went private. I wanted to die, let me make it very clear that it wasn't a cry for help, that I wasn't asking for help, I wanted to end my life. I understood what I was doing and had made a choice. How ironic that I received no help.

I'm so tired, I still am depressed and anxious. I've tried to learn how to enjoy what life gives you and most of the time I can. But not today, today I'm tired, tired of all the people who made and make comments about me. For once please can you just open your eyes and see how much your words and actions have affected me. I reached deep and carried on once I had failed and will keep doing this day after day. But today I just want to curl up in bed and let myself feel. I want to be allowed to cry and hurt. But I won't because I have a lecture at 2. In that lecture I'll be set my work for another week.
I'm not suicidal I'm just tired and that's okay. I read a book recently and a line stuck with me, 'I don't understand why humans are so obsessed with being happy'.

I'm okay though. I've come very far over the past 3 years and although I struggle with anxiety and depression its only a minor part in my life. I glad I didn't succeed, I would have missed out on so much of my life <3

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