Support CharitySANE on:

Search

Blog

when i lost my mind
Posted by sophie68
26th Oct 2016


This poem is in the forward poetry book The Life And Times of . it is about my breakdown four
years ago . hope you can relate to this on some level . My name is Amanda Jayne Gilmer and i have schizoaffective disorder When I Lost my Mind
There was a time I lost my mind . My heart was full of disbelief . My partner
died , I did not feel , just a descent into a land of misbelief . Paranoia , hearing voices
monsters beckoning at my door , distorted visions , I lost my grip on reality . Dazed
and confused I turned in on myself , the focus my skewed thoughts .
The paranoia destroyed my trust . Lonely and scared I rejected my family
whom I thought were upto their worst . My mum my saviour never left my side ,
though she did not understand . It felt so real , the delusions took hold . She called
the doctors and to hospital I went . Eventualy discharged with paliperidone my
new drug regime . But I was still plagued by thoughts inside and outside my mind .
Mum took up the cause and told the proffesionals I was still not cured . Paliperidone
was upped to the maximum dose .
The haze cleared from my mind . I no longer felt confused , a fog was lifted
from my mind . My illness went , but I wanted to hide . My behaviour had been so
odd , embarassed I did not want to step out the front door . Taking small steps , I
gradually began to front the outside world . Three years have passed and I am still
well . Still have little ups and downs , but have not lost insight or become seduced
by a world of makebelieve .
My inner reality reflects the real world not a place of unreality , with all
the demons at my door . The story of a part of my life , but thanks to mum and the
mental health team I am truly healed . Enjoying life as it should be again .

Share Email a friend Be the first to comment on this blog
Recent Posts
Being BPD !
17th Dec 2016
Intimacy in the twilight of depression
11th Dec 2016
Writer blog
10th Dec 2016
From Psychosis to Burlesque
29th Nov 2016
What is keeping me going?
24th Nov 2016