Self Harm Poem
Posted by becciphillips96
9th Aug 2016

Today I woke up, I'm alive still
Gotta get up, gotta take my pills
My constant routine I find very dreary
"No these pills will help, in theory".

I get up get so food, brush my teeth, cause I have to
No one can see it through my point of view
I walk around numb
To help myself I sing a song or hum

I need motivation, but I find no such luck
I'm numb to the world, I feel nothing, I'm stuck
My constant routine I find very dreary
"No these pills will help, in theory"

I'll have a shower, that's it, I think
I'll wash off all this terrible stink
From above me in pours this hot clean rain
Rubbing it into my skin, I almost feel sane

I wash off the mad
I feel free and unclad
I work up the lather
Forget my whole palaver

Out I get I'm feeling revived
Another hour I managed to survive
But I get this feeling
A compulsion if you will
The thoughts don't stop, like a dentist with a drill

They pound my head until I reach out
I grab the blade, "ALRIGHT!" I shout
I sit down, on the sofa or on the floor
I grab some tissues in case it pours

I find a spot
Do i hide it or not?
But when I look again, I know it doesn't matter
Wherever I do it I'm still mad as a hatter

I drag the blade across my pale body
At first, it's light, that jobs so shoddy
Now I have the feel for the blade
I drag it deeper and deeper, here's the cuts I made

This time I press deep
Not caring or thinking
I finish with a yelp look down and start weeping

This time I've done it
You stupid little bitch.

I close my eyes to scared to look again
at the horror I've done, I've split my skin
The tissue, my skin I see the flesh
The skin underneath it's white, so fresh.

So many thoughts enter my brain and leave
I need to call him, but I can't I've deceived
Everything I said I would never do
It's all gone so quickly.

I come to my senses and wipe my tears
I clean out the cuts and stick on a plaster
Lets roll down my sleeves and forget this disaster

A few days later it starts to heal
I pick at the scab and start to peal
I open it up with my trusty old pal
I make her wider and wider and deep still

See I can't help this
I must do it you see
See, my beauty has this hold on me
I can flick I can brush, but the bloods not enough
I need pain to feel emotions like normal again

It lasts for a while, a minute or two
But the feeling dies down again, just like I knew
Until the next time, until tomorrow
I put her away in a place without sorrow

See I'm not sorry to do this at all
I need it, you need it, you need it she calls
I look at my cuts and pick at them, this helps
It makes me feel centered I feel a kind of zen
Until I wake up alone and repeat it again.

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