Posted by lost888
7th Apr 2016

To wake up is supposed to be a wonderful thing.
To be here on this planet another day, to walk and talk and live your life. To shine in the light.
I don't see it like that, I don't see much light. My light goes out in the morning and comes back of an evening.. After travelling and communicating with others and my light returns to an empty shrivelled mess.
I don't see why I am meant to be here, surely I should know by the age of nearly 30 what to do but I don't all because of this issue I have with my head. Anxiety and depression is what i was told and then given some tablets and that's it. A diary would be helpful i was told but I am still here writing this feeling alone and cold. Tablets take time to get into your system, I understand that and I know there is not only me feeling like this so mental health teams are struggling, so I will wait for the call to be assessed and wait for the call to be referred and wait for the call from the psychiatric ward when my bed is ready. I want to be better, back to my old self. Not scared to leave the house, even to open the curtains sometimes as I don't want people to see me. To see what I have become/turned into. A wilted flower that enjoyed becoming a bud, and opened itself to the welcoming heat of the sun, ready to aid the birds and bees with its nectar, only to now be broken stemmed, lying flattened and trodden into the pavement around it. All I want is for my seed to be taken and re-planted. Ready to see the world again in a different light to what I am seeing now. A world just passing me by because I am not even worth enough to be swept up, I am just left to wilt even more.

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