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Normal is as Normal does ???
Posted by mezzaninedoor
4th Apr 2016

This is similar to a prior blog by someone else, similar themes .................................

I was set the task of describing a Ďnormalí day by someone regards my BiPolar disorder.
Itís really hard to describe that as in recent times I have had 2 types of Ďdayí, one is a relatively stable day and the other is a relatively unstable day. I will try to explain the relatively unstable day and how it impacts me. Hopefully it will make some sense to folks.
In the nighttime I often struggle the most, I can sometimes have my rapid cycling BiPolar brain going twenty to the dozen, sleep an unlikely proposition as my anxiety and hypomania overwhelms me. After nights like this or even during nights like this, the Next Day is a hard thing to contemplate and often I have to think about how Iím going to navigate the next 24 hours, can I get through a work day, can I be productive or at least not exacerbate my head by working. Itís a fine line sometimes with regards to whether or not Iím functional. This last week was a case in point, having not been off sick since my return to work I had 2 nights ( Monday and Thursday night ) where my anxiety and Hypomania overwhelmed me and I had to take a late notice holiday on Tuesday and a sick day on Friday. I didnít want to but I had to make a judgement as best I can. Last week was difficult but equally I approach this week better but jaded and tired and so again everything is just taking that little but of effort more than I would like. Thatís the nature of navigating this condition for me.
As folks who takes Psych meds may know, well, sometimes they can also cause us problems with side effects as much as help. I am currently on a good stabilisation of my Meds as far as my CPN is concerned though one of the Meds we think is contributing to my weight gain  ( as well as myself, I canít blame it all on the Meds ) and another Med leaves me with such a dry mouth which means as well as waking up with anxiety and hypomania I can wake up due to a dry mouth.
So, I go to bed almost every night with my very own synapse mix firing in my head, not every night but often and the brutality of this is that I then often wake up too early, I normally get to sleep okay-ish at the moment but I wake up any time between 3 and 5am). Often having had less than 4-5 hours sleep. I often treat myself to a nap when I get home from work and even at work at lunchtime as well.
the synapse remix blasting in my head, preventing me from going to sleep, and the brutal side effects of the sacred medication cause me to continually wake up. Often less than five hours total, no more than two hours at a time.
So this is just a partial picture of my navigating my condition, not done for sympathy but for understanding. Take care everyone.

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