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On the Mend
Posted by AliceRitaK
10th Mar 2016

I wrote a few days ago when I was still pretty immobile and fractious due to my fractured rib. I can feel things are on the mend and I am managing to sleep better, not waking each time I turn in my sleep. That's a blessing.

The chatter in my head is subsiding also because I am managing to walk more and am enjoying time with my super cheeky dog. I'm sure he is also relieved to be going on longer walks by the riverbank and chasing tennis balls I am now able to throw. It is also good to see the days lengthen, something that always cheers me. I keep saying to myself, well it's 2/3/4 weeks now and the average recovery for this type of injury is 6-8 weeks so I'm nearly there now.

I also have a friend who is on her second round of chemo following her second diagnosis of cancer in as many years. She is struggling with this cocktail of drugs and has fallen in the street too. So I reckon I am okay just for today and I am sending her healing wishes. She is unlucky enough to have the BRCA1 gene. Things could be much worse for me.

I have also approached my GP to ask for a referral to a dietician to attempt to tackle my weight/overeating problem. These are positive, proactive steps. It means my mind is on the mend too and I anticipate or hope that I am heading for a period of wellness. I'm grateful for that. Have to be. I know the down times will happen again, I was told that a long time ago. I was hoping there was a way the professionals could help all this go away but it seems I have to accept that that's not the case for the time being. At least until one of our super brainy doctors discover the gene therapy that will tackle this shit. And they will. My psychiatrist said, oh they well and he's super brainy too.

I also went out to dinner last night with my work colleagues. I am not particularly popular because I have lost my temper a couple of times, usually when my stress levels have been intolerably high and my depression and anxiety were kicking in. I can tell from their reactions and body language that I'm a little on the outside of the "circle of trust". It saddens me and in my head I am saying I'm sorry for those times, I wish you'd be my friend. It feels like things haven't changed since we were negotiating in the playground as young children. I was on the outside then because I was small in size and shy. I am neither now! Some know what I have but I don't think it's really understood. I am hoping to negotiate with the HR department to get a speaker to come and talk to the team or as part of training in general. I think there might be some resistance but I will persevere and I may get there. I think it's important. And I know for sure there are others struggling like me out there. We shouldn't be treating them as pariahs or sweeping these issues under the carpet.

As for my personal therapy, I'm still waiting on CBT and have a free therapy session offered by my private therapist as was. I am v grateful to her for being generous and offering that to me. She has been instrumental in my understanding of my illness and has imparted good experience of recovery practices. She has suggested that I could train as a counsellor, which brought a smile to my face because I recently completed a psychological work assessment to match me to my best career path and therapist was the first result. :-) I completed that with the Richmond Fellowship. I have found them most useful also. My employment adviser is a breath of fresh air.

So, I am on the mend this week and a few ideas there. Watch this space and we'll see where it leads me.

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