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The Playground Analogy
Posted by LittleBambi
9th Mar 2016

I've been diagnosed with Borderline (Emotionally Unstable) Personality Disorder, Depression (although, I probably should go and get that looked at again) and I also have mild-medium dyslexia.

I struggled to explain my emotions for years and having the diagnosis hasn't helped me to explain or understand or even identify my emotions. When things get stressful (and stressful by my standards seems like a bad day for everyone else, a bad conversation with a work colleague, or a lack of conversation from my partner can start the stress off), I get horribly overwhelmed, the emotions swirl and grow so big.

So in order to explain just how I feel, I came up with the playground analogy.

Picture a playground; swings, slides, roundabouts, see-saws, monkey bars, poles, climbing frames...
On a good day the playground is quiet, not many around - sure the wind might push the swings, or there might be the odd child about. It's OK though, I can track everything; I know how I feel (sort of).

On a bad day, the playground is full. There are hundreds of children/parents there and I've got sole charge of keeping an eye on every single person. Tracking the swings and the climbing frames and where every child goes. That's pretty darn impossible right? That's what explaining my moods and emotions feels like.

It's easier to say "It's a busy playground day."

So, here's the problem. No one in my life actually either remembers this analogy, or pays any attention to it. Here I am trying to help myself and the people in my life who I care about, and so they aren't paying any attention to it. It feels like they don't care. I don't think that's true, but when they don't want to hear it, or pay any attention it feels a very different story.

So today has been a very busy playground day. It's been so very tiring and I'm sure there's been things that I'll look at tomorrow and think "shouldn't have said/done that" and possibly some apologies to make. Then again... right now, I feel like I should get the apology.

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