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Worthlessnes
Posted by joedee
23rd Jan 2016

I don't really know where to start? Other than my name is Dee, I have suffered with depression for many many years. Not all of this time has every day been the same. Some days, some weeks maybe even some months can be good ones, happy times. But when I am down I am so so down. To the point that I don't really think that anyone understands how I can be like this. Even my loved ones can't work this out. But then if I don't understand why I get like this then how can I expect others to. The only way I can describe what's it's like for me is"........ I'm in a dark dark hole very deep down and I'm trying to crawl out but there is no grip in my fingers and no ledge or anyone at the top to get me out. I don't call or ask for help like you would if you were to fall into a hole. It's as if I were placed there. By what I don't know. I'm just there at the bottom. As I have said I have fantastic days but these's don't make up for all the dark ones. One min I could be laughing then it's as if the whole sky has turned dark. If I were anyone reading this I would think this Woman has lost the plot she is gar gar. But once upon a time I had a life. It's just all gone away and I can't get it back to how I want it to be. I am not mad and far from stupid. I just now don't know how to cope. I am lonely, depressed and have feelings that I don't want to feel. What is my point in life why am I still here?
Friends are very far and few. I have always been a loner maybe it's because people just don't get me. I say things like it is. I am me and I don't think there are others like me in this world. Or maybe there is?
I find it hard to talk to people face to face. I am always thinking that they are judging me when I'm sure they have far better things to do. I don't trust anyone. But I would like to. I so need people to understand where I am coming from, but I don't let others in for them to understand. So I am on my own and it looks like my life will stay this way even if I wanted things to change I can't.

So if there is anyone like me, who has no friends, finds it hard to make any, or who is feeling as low as I do and who don't mind writing to me I would be very happy to reply. Just to talk to someone would be nice.......

Thank you from worthless.
Dee xx

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