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being cautious
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22nd Dec 2015

being cautious

the excitement I felt earlier, about finding an opportunity to develop a career as an artist and writer, has worn off
something happened which triggered a minor relapse
it really shook me
and I have to be careful with this fragile recovery
the first step is joining our local art group
i enquired and iíve got an invitation
but it means being social
i have to accept Iím not the strong person I once was
i have to decide whether I can deal with social interaction, possible ignorance and everything else
so as a precaution Iím going to write a letter, by email, to the secretary of the group explaining my situation and disability
iíll decide, judging by his answer, how to proceed
if I donít think Iíll be able to cope with the stress, thereís the option to sell my work online
iím trying to like this person Iíve become Ė quieter, more careful, less impulsive
i think the medication is helping after all, alongside the various other things I do
iím making allowances, adapting and finding strength in that
for example, not using capitals, it eases the strain of accommodating my tremor and is easier on the eye
iíve begun making friends on f/bk and joined a couple of online faith communities
i donít think people can understand why I loathed this illness in myself, I was my own worst enemy
i think coping with it has been mostly about accepting it and that itís not going to go away
i may get a little stronger, but I will always be a bit broken

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