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Not alone
Posted by
16th Dec 2015

Before you read the following, bear in mind that I was on my own with no family, friends or support in a very hostile (to me) environment Ė our local secure MH hospital, not quite with it being on a variety of drugs.
I was feeling rather lucid one day and wrote this letter from my shadow.
I use it every time I have to go into hospital, even though Iíve got family now and a few friends.
I showed it to my psychiatrist and she said softly, ďCal, do you think you are two people?Ē Iíve never quite got their perspective on things, but thatís another matter. I tried to explain, I think she got the gist of what I was trying to do - a bit of self- nurturing. I read somewhere about being a mother to your inner childÖ

Dear Cal,
Youíre reading this letter because it was only to be opened in a crisis, and you are in crisis once again.
Iím your shadow and Iíve got you covered. Iím in front, behind and at times on either side of you.
Iím with you, youíll never be alone as long as the sunís shining. You might not be able to see the sun, or me, sometimes, but the sun is always shining. If you canít see the sun it must be raining tears, look at the rainbow, not the dark clouds behind it.
Big hug.
We can get through this.
Weíve trod this road a few times now and weíve always come to more level going.
Here, let me hold your hand and Iíll show you the way forward.
Always by your side (and in front and behind),
El Shadow.

It was inspired by Robert Louis Stevensonís poem from A Childís Garden of Verses, My Shadow.


I'm still very shaky after my last bad episode, but recovering slowly. I really wish I could know I didn't have to go through it all again. I hope not.

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