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Work Capability Assessment tomorrow
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7th Dec 2015

Itís the evening before my Work Capability Assessment.
My CPN is taking me because I always get lost in strange places, sort of disoriented. Sheís said I neednít have put myself through this and should have let her fill in the ESA forms. She says she will have to be honest about my MH history, and the risk assessment MH have done is not available for me to see. Sheís going to give a copy to the assessor.
I donít know why, but giving her the form to fill in wasnít an option. I was perfectly capable of doing it myself. My brain may not be working at full capacity - memory problems, canít think straight, snailís pace reasoning and problem-solving etc. Itís taken me 3 days to put together my own ďrisk assessmentĒ, a few minutes at a time.
If I hadnít agreed to a face-to-face at this time when Iím at my worst Ė very fragile Ė I would have had to go through it eventually. I have a good case right now, lots of evidence and powerful medical reports. In a few months I might have improved to a sufficient degree to warrant Maxima/ATOS (whatever) putting me on the work programme and I would HAVE to appeal to a tribunal. Nip THAT one in the bud! I need a minimum of a year to even get remotely well again.
The stress is making my tremor, twitching and involuntary eye movements much worse. The drug Iím on helps to a degree, but the side effects are difficult to manage. On top of that I feel very weak, my muscles are like a wet dishcloth. But itíll be worth it, I just know it.
But Iíve done the preparation. I got some legal advice from a friend who used to work for CAB should I need to appeal. I donít think that will be necessary. My CPN will make as bleak an outlook as possible (MH always do). I also have the benefit of 2 previous ATOS assessments and a thorough understanding of the system and myself and my symptoms (collectively under a wide variety of diagnoses Ė a Complex Mystery).
Iím away from home for 6 hours so Iíve had to put coping strategies in place for my daughter as weíve no family and I donít know the neighbours yet (new home). I donít use social services any more, Iíve had to pick up the pieces after their devastating interference too many times.
Iím tai chi-ed and aromatherapied out. Iím so chilled itís just not true! For a short time, at any rate.
I was tempted to take a sleeping tablet tonight just to make sure I get some decent sleep, having been up really late with an insomniac daughter last night. I decided against it, I donít want to be groggy.
Iíve accepted Iíll never be able to work in a workplace again, but I have skills and qualifications which make self-employment an option. And Iíve done that before successfully. It would also mean I can rest when I need to, be available for my daughter and choose how much work I do.
So, though the body is weak, the brain on a go-slow and Ö sorry, lost the thread, have to stop.

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