Reality check
Posted by
5th Dec 2015

I woke up very tired this morning.
I was up until the early hours being a carer.
Iím burnt out.
My energy levels fluctuate between moderately active to running on empty both mentally and physically.
Recovering from a total burn out/breakdown/relapse, whatever, earlier in the year is taking a long time.
I think Iím at the age where I feel the effects of years of struggling, caring, fightingÖ I think of the fact that thereís more years behind than in front.
Thatís why Iím determined to enjoy the time I have left Ė short or long.
Mental illness is sometimes like a prison where the door is occasionally open and I venture out, sometimes too far.
Well, the door to my prison is open right now and a vision for my future, a plan and an opportunity give me hope that this time I can walk through that door and live a meaningful, fruitful life and manage to protect my fragile mind and support the people who need my care until they can care for themselves.
The question is, will I be allowed to venture out?
There are people in my life who seem to like me as a prisoner.
Sadly, they hold the key to that door. And sadder still, there are a few others sharing my cell.
Perhaps Iím just being paranoid while I wait for the next label.

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