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Living with bipolar.
Posted by philippaeasthope95@gmail.com
23rd Nov 2015

Having Bipolar is horrible. People think that itís just one day you wake up feeling sad and the next you are happy, but that is so not the case. Well not for me anyway, I have to find a balance. I am always running the risk of getting too high or falling too low. Iíve forgotten what it feels like to be normal. After the manic episode everything has been a massive blur. A never ending whirl wind of periods of being happy and content and then feeling like everything is going to crumble down around me. Right now I feel like I have forgotten how to be me. That sounds so stupid but I donít know how else to explain it. Without sounding like a massive clichťÖ but I just want to be happy. Which is what I should be; I have an incredibly supportive family who have supported me and continue to every day. I have some very special friends who have been there for me through the darkest of times and the happiest. Iím at University. I have met some amazing people and have so much ahead of me. I have so many things to be thankful for and to be happy aboutÖ so why do I feel like this? The only way to explain it is like I am looking in on my life but not really living it and not being able to enjoy it. I feel numb, all I can think of is feeling like this. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I just want to wake up tomorrow and feel like me and be able to live in the here and now as appose to living each day wondering if I will feel better tomorrow. I miss who I used to be. I was fun, I was giggly, I would love to go out and party, I would want to talk to everyone about what they do but instead I feel more comfortable just staying in and thinking. I just want to be me again and I know that I will soon, but right now it seems like a far off goal.

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