One year on
Posted by Baz1050
1st Nov 2015

Driving back home in the dark last night Gabrielle Aplin's 'The Power of Love' was blaring out of the stereo. It instantly threw me back a year and I began thinking about the last year and how much I have achieved on my journey.
It's been a year now since I visited my GP who diagnosed me with depression and anxiety. It was 56 weeks ago to be exact and in hindsight one of the best things I ever did. I wrote my first blog post 6 months later and told my story up to that moment. I felt I should follow up with my thoughts now and experiences, another chapter in my 24 year long book.
Right now I am in a much better place than I was last November. I am by no means perfect but I did it. I survived. I get days when I really have to force myself to get on with the day and other days fly past in a feeling of accomplishment and euphoria. I am self managing and trying to look after myself better than I have before. Life is not perfect but I am pleased with how far I have come. I cannot remember the last time I asked someone for help, at times I have felt like it but I have learnt that for me it is better to self manage. It keeps friends as friends and stops them from dodging talking to me. Everyone is different though, what works for me may not work for you.
A big milestone for me this year was spending three weeks in Australia on holiday visiting family. For me this wasn't just a holiday, it quite possibly saved my life. I was at my lowest in January and realised that unless I did something about it life would not go on. I decided a holiday would be a good start and asked my Facebook friends for ideas. My Australian cousin wrote back immediately and said 'here!!'. I text a good friend from school and she was up for coming with me. That evening I booked two return tickets to Perth for September and spent the next few weeks worrying about what I had done. At various points in the year when I felt low those tickets kept me going, not just because I love Australia but because I absolutely did not want to let my friend or relatives down. If I promise someone I'm doing something then I do it, no matter how much I do or don't want to. I spent three fantastic weeks in Perth and Melbourne and it opened my eyes back up to the world and how much there is to see and what I would of been leaving behind. My anxiety levels were through the roof at various points on the holiday but I got through it and it was 110% worth it. I cannot wait to go back and do it all over again.
Something else I changed this year was taking myself out of the dating scene. I realised I was dating to please other people when deep down I knew I have zero interest in it. People find it strange that others can be 100% happy alone, I am one of those people that is happy single and taking the pressure off of myself helped me too.
I am not sure where life will take me next, I think I will just let time do the talking and take me onto the next stage of my life. I hope to see some more of the world and get a promotion in the next few years but other than that life is for living so I will let it take its own course.

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