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Healing through writing Part 2
Posted by arabellachute
18th Oct 2015

Following on from Healing through writing....

My life carried on in this way for the next 6 years.....in the final year the peaks were more manic and the troughs were getting harder to climb out of, until last December 2014 - I could pretend no longer,

My drinking was once again out of control, I was getting memory lose every time I lifted booze to my lips and I was even waking up with serious injuries. I had to hold my hands up and ask for help but the only motivation that got me to pick up the phone was the alternative - to die. I didn't want to die, it was be easier and quicker and would get rid of the darkness easier but luckily there was still a part of me that was thinking of my family and what it would do to them, I was also sharing a house with two other friends and I couldn't hurt them and scare them as they would be the ones who would find me. I had to call my doctor.

This was my blessing - thanks to my uncle who was also under the power of depression, I had one of the top London doctors on my phone and it was him who I called that morning.

How bad was I before I made that phonecall - I couldn't eat, I couldn't shower, I couldn't read/write, I couldn't leave my bed, I was lifeless, a ghost but somehow I made that phone call and it was probably the single most important phonecall I have made.

Two weeks later I was at home with my parents, drugs up to my eyes balls and my only job for the day was to get in the shower.

After weeks of baby steps and the most incredible support from my family, I was ready for therapy and to start to rebuild my life.

The one thing that was going to change this time was how I saw depression and how I dealt with it!

I started writing......I started writing poems - when I couldn't find the words of how I felt out, then something/someone was helping me or speaking through me and allowing me to create poems each stage of my recovery that I could then send around my nearest and dearest to let them know how I was feeling - to help them understand. Sometimes, I would write 2 a night, sometimes nothing would happen for a week the further my recovery progressed the fewer poems were coming out.

continues in healing through writing part 3

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