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Healing through writing
Posted by arabellachute
18th Oct 2015

I was diagnosed with depression when I was 24 after I had entered into a very dark place!

I was to be honest, I think my depression really started to claw itself into my mind in my second year at university but I had only heard the term being used to describe my incredible uncle, who had come home to his parents (my grandparents) one day and couldn't get out of bed. He was diagnosed with depression and we never spoke about it - it was hushed up and only ever mentioned in whispers and he was being given drugs ( loads of them) to keep his head above water.

So when I was told that I had the same thing, it was distraught! I saw it as a weakness, something nobody talked about because it was something to be ashamed of and the cover up. My family now whispered about my depression and when I couldn't make something the D word was never mentioned in public, it was instead that I was feeling under the weather or not very well.

This isn't against my family - they were/are incredible but this is how everyone dealt with depression,you didn't talk about it - you took your drugs and you scraped your way back to some form of reality that you could like and you carried on.

This is exactly what I did and after about a year or crawling back to life, I carried on. I changed my job, I changed my home and I carried on.

Was I better - not really, I had refused to take drugs and had used yoga, walking and meditation to help me but as soon as I got back to life - this all when out the window and I just became extremely good at covering it all up - I had the masks, I had the excuses and I had the tricks of the trade to carrying on going through life. I was living with my head bobbing up and down over the murky goo of depression but I was determined not to be seen as weak or having the flaw.

A drank myself to ignorance and acted my way to normally - it was possible and far easier then be honest and admitting to being in the clutches of depression.

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