Being a borderline.
Posted by borderline
15th Aug 2015

If you know about borderline personality you will know there is two sides to me. I can walk with my head and pride held high I walk with a purpose im invinsable nothing can stop me in this instant. There is a buzz in my body making me energetic and raring to creat somthing magnificent. I'll be the leader of a conversation a booming voice which is not afraid to do anything I could take on a whole group of people and believe I'd be the last man standing. I am a girl ready to take on the world doing drugs drinking ludicrous amounts and staying out as late as possible fighting and hurting people. There is no limit to the damage this mood can cause. Yet. A day even just a few hours this can come crashing down within one littel instant I'll be the quite littel girl afraid to speak, afraid to be seen. I'll blend into the background to avoid any interaction. I walk hoping no ones spotted me my eyes stuck glued to the floor the path the ground. Hunched over in the corner I hide and notice the ones I hold close all want to leave me they will abandon me and leave me to cope alone, I'd go to the highest lengths just to make sure these people will never leave me. When I become this quiet shy creature I notice the anger the pain and damaged relationships that are all down to me. I regret the destructiveness of my high moods yet I try to resolve this with yet again destructive behaviour. I take it out on myself and I find an enjoyment burried benthe it. This illness has given me two identies. I can be the boldest loudest scariest women in the room but then reduced to the quietest anxious frightened girl. Borderline personality has many accessories that come with it, I have struggled with anger issues, eating disorders, anxiety and self harm. My main problem with this illness is that I am massively misunderstood by a wide range of people, parents, teachers, doctors and friends.
Many times have I been labeled the "crazy girl" or the "phsyco" in school and when reacting to this I have ended up being the one being told off by teachers for being petty to react. I've been publicly humiliated being highlighted as diffrent and crazy for the way my illness affects me, yet I have never been pubically open about my mental health and these being the exact reasons as to why I'd be scared of the reaction of people. Although recently I have learned that I am not the one in the wrong, I can not help the way I am. These people are ignorant to the whole issue of mental health this is a massive fault in our modern socitey. I think there is a urgent calling for a change in the way our goverment and socitey adress mental health and raise awareness.

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