What I did today whilst agitated.
Posted by blingkasa
15th Aug 2015

I was awake early this morning. As usual. I didn't look at the clock, I just knew it was early and, if I got up it would make the day longer. So, I forced myself back to sleep. Thing is, there are only so many hours you can lie in bed, and yes, whilst it is safe and cosy and undemanding, you also know you should get up.

Why? Because you can. You can get up out of bed, and walk in a wobbly manner to the bathroom. stare at face, sigh, brush teeth, sigh, walk out of bathroom , sigh, make coffee, watch the coffee pot boiling and sigh, stir coffee, sigh, sip coffee and do a big sigh of both good coffee warmth and a sigh.

Anyways, meditation: Yes, I thought I would do that. I have tried it in the past and, I think it works somewhat.
Then again, how long can an anxious person sit still for? Well, if you dont try, you wont know.

On your fingers there are points called " Mudras", each of these points corresponds to a part of your body, and thats all I read today.

Chakras are points of energy located at the base of your spine, all the way to the crown, or the top of your head. Everyone should have a crown darling...

I sat for ten minutes, deep cleansing breaths and focused only on now. The moment. I was aware of birdsong outside, the rushing and brushing of leaves on trees in the wind, but I was also silent, well, at least I was trying. It takes time. And ignore the mind. Ignore it. It is a cunning little tit at times. Apparently its the amygdala. The part of your brain responsible for memories and long cooped up emotions. Bastard amygdala I say.

I then did some low sounds which vibrate throughout the body, It felt good, and relaxing.
Especially as I sat still. Usually I am pacing. Up and down, around, mopping or vacuuming for no reason other than to move my restlessness away. But I sat and I breathed and I tried.
You have to try I think. If you don't try methods or look for ways of feeling better then you are giving up somewhat, and people like us, made of salt of the earth, we don't give up easily. We bend for a while, but, we don't break. It is a testimony to our inner strength.

Meditation I think has some benefits and I am going to do more. If anything, just to quieten down the mind and it's thoughts. One woman manifested her marriage using meditation so thats something to remember next time..

Took my second prozac earlier today. Looked at the sky. Wondered when the clouds will lift.
Thought about what I want and what I have, what I have accomplished and.... zap ! in Comes a bad thought like " Yes but you're alone now...." Aargh !!!!

Why can I not love myself? Why are my expectations so high? Why do I feel everyone is always judging me? It's paranoid really. I don't think about other people, I am too engrossed in me. Does that make me selfish? I am not selfish. Am I selfish? I am just reclusive. There's a difference.

I read about this Woman who gave up her high powered executive job and focused on her passion : Rum.
Not to drink, although I am sure she does, to make and sell.
I love stories like that. It got me thinking, What do I LOVE? I want to be a feel good story person too.

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