Posted by Graciepoo12
17th Jun 2015

Well what can I say today I have made a decision to try and combat the fears that have controlled my life for as long as I can remember. I have suffered from depression and anxiety since being a young girl and cannot remember a day of a calm and peaceful brain. One of my biggest fears are dying especially when I know it is coming or it is painful. Anything that can possibly cause this kind of death is a fear to me and it controls my daily life! Not so much in the sense of I don't leave my house or I don't talk to anyone. I go to college, I have a child, family and friends but it controls my brain and how I think. I find it a daily struggle to get my brain to think "normal" thoughts. I have tried help from my gp, medication side effects = awful! Psychological therapy such as cognitive behaviour therapy I was starting to make progress when I messed it all up! I ended up in a very low depressive state of mind where I decided not to return to my psychologist.. Very silly mistake as I'm yet again back to this but 100% times worse than before I started. I'm the type of person that has to know everything the thought of the unknown and the future terrify me and at times make me physically sick with fear! Today is the day I try to start the journey of changing all this! I want my life back and I hope that this a first step to creating myself a wonderful life.

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