5 Golden Rules
Posted by lovelife1
28th May 2015

Hi, Iíd like to start by saying that i live with someone who has depression Ė and i love them. Iím married to them even, you know when they say in sickness and in health and you think of course.. i think at this moment when you promise this, you imagine yourself lovingly sitting by your spouses hospital bed or something, i think what you donít think about is mental health Ė take it from someone whoís spouse had both physical and mental ailments Ė the mental is so much harder. Iíd like to blog about this to help others who might be in a similar situation Ė and to help myself. I want to make a list of 5 golden rules which are fundamental and always important to remember Ė Iím sort of gong off the cuff here, thereís probably so many more things but letís just start with five okay.

1. You must remind your loved one that you love them. And donít forget to remind yourself as well. I read recently that you canít love depression out of someone and whilst i agree with this I think it has to be the fundamental thing that you keep going back to, after all love makes it all worthwhile. Your loved one has voices in their head telling them that they are worthless, they are rubbish, that nobody should love them or want them, that you would be better off without them. Tell them that these voices are NOT true! They might not believe you but they might believe that you believe it and you believe in them and that means something. And after all that, take a step back sometimes when you feel frustrated and that you are not getting through to this person and remind yourself that you love them! You love them and you know they are worth it.

2. You must remind yourself that itís not your fault. This is so important. When someone is depressed, they will often say things to you which are hurtful and maybe you want to snap back or go away from them or just cry. Itís so hard in the moment but try and take a step back and remind yourself that itís the depression talking, not them, you love them and they love you. (Thatís why step One is so important.)

3. You must remind yourself (and them) that it will get better. When you live with someone who has depression you often feel like you are going round and round in circles and that nothing ever changes. There are so many ups and downs but the point is that there are ups! Something i really struggle with but i know itís so important is to appreciate the ups when they happen. And in the down moment, remind yourself of previous ups and keep going until you get there again.

4. Look after yourself. If you donít look after yourself, how can you expect to look after anyone else? Depression is a a bit like a vortex and it constantly seems to be trying to suck you in. You love this person Ė remember step 1 right. So sometimes you want to devote yourself to them selflessly and you might be putting yourself on the back shelf a little bit. A healthy balance is so important, sometimes you need to have your own space, you need to do your own thing and take time to love yourself as well. Something else to consider is that you donít have to be happy all the time. Itís okay to struggle, to cry, and to feel hopeless sometimes. It doesnít mean your depressed as well Ė it just means your human!

5. Itís okay to ask for help. This is something that you tell them all the time but donít forget to tell it to yourself as well! You encourage them to see a doctor, to talk to people, to exercise, to see family and friends, etc etc. Well these things might be things that you need too! Talk to others, look online, you might be surprised how many other people are going through the same thing or you might just find things that help you to cope with it all. And that will help you to help them to cope too.

Sorry for the super long post but actually it really helped me to write all of this. I love them despite the depression and even with it Ė i see through the depression to the person thatís there, this person is worth it. Thatís all. (For now ;))


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