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One more Taste
Posted by AliceRitaK
12th Mar 2015

I had a taste of how life used to be for me. I felt hope and lightness. Normal living. Saturday just gone, I spent the day in Camden with my son and his new girlfriend, had marvellous lunch at a Greek restaurant in Primrose Hill. it was a beautiful sunshine day and conversation flowed easily. We were all three at ease. Sweet.

I felt loved by the two people who shared my table and meal with me. We were all relaxed. When we finished our food we walked up steep Primrose Hill, stood at the top and viewed London down below.

Jack had his first train trip with me too. He behaved quite well and wasn't too scared by the people, the trains and the wind tunnels. Jack is my 6 yr old bichon/westie pooch. Curly white, cheeky feisty little chap. He is fabulous. It was lovely watching him look out of the window at the passing trains, checking in with me every time they moved past. He made me laugh, and it seems he made mesmerised half the carriage too as people stroked him and said hello or maybe goodbye on the way out.

He was good on the tube too. But we'd left him in N's flat and gone to lunch alone. There were other dogs there so he could have come. Maybe next time. Took him to Regent's Park though. Sneaked a peek at the zoo animals through the thinning foliage. Nice but somehow not. They don't belong there these animals. They have the right to roam free.

So, then we made our way back to N's flat had some tea, I popped out into Camden's arty crafty market to get a birthday present. Then walked to Chalcot Square somewhat shakily and spoke with a whole load of strangers and managed to hold my own. Chatted to a man, like it was normal, like it used to be, before codependency held me in its grasp. I liked it. The normality of it.

No angst, no guessing, no guilt, no timeframe. Great. I thanked my friend and left for my journey home, which was perhaps a little trickier than the journey out because of the amount of people on the platforms. But I made it home.

Then stuff and problems crept in and it was back to the usual grind. But the good thing, the lesson that I learnt on Saturday was that I am capable of feeling normality. Stress free and social is good. It doesn't have to engender guilt. There's nothing wrong with it. I decided I need more so that's what I'm aiming for. My next wish to the universe. To always be where I am meant to be. To embrace it.

I am glad for my children, my friends, my experiences they make me who I am and who I am is just okay. Not soaring super person nor worthless woman. Just me. Normal will do.

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