Depressed for the first time...
Posted by s.milburn
3rd Mar 2015

I thought I understood what depression and anxiety felt like. Now I know that I didn't have a clue. Until now...
Three months ago I eventually caved in and admitted that I was stressed (thank you teaching!). My parents and husband recognised that I wasn't coping for months, they saw a decline in me that I refused to see. I didn't have time to be ill! I knew teaching wasn't as satisfactory or as enjoyable anymore but I still had bills to pay and three hungry teenagers to feed. Life was 100 miles per hour. Running from unnecessary meetings to pupils, other colleagues who weren't coping crying on my shoulder, going home to then be a mother/wife, marking and planning late into the night then devouring a bottle of red to cope with it all.
Until one night in November I cracked. I really lost the plot. The next day I agreed I needed a day off work and go to the doctors. I only needed a chat and a rest then everything would be ok... How wrong was I?
After a very tearful chat with the very helpful doctor came the diagnosis: you're clinically depressed and im prescribing antidepressants and signing you off work for at least a month...
I left the surgery thinking, I don't need happy pills, I will be fine after a few days rest.. Again how wrong was I?
I kept thinking, I'm not depressed because I don't feel sad. In fact I just felt nothing. Must be numb with shock I thought.
My fellow depressive friends will know that the following six weeks were a complete dark hell. I will write about those weeks in my next blog and also how being honest and able to talk about this crippling illness is so important to the recovery process and making others aware that this is an illness!
Until next time fellow suffers!

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